Benjamin Franklin once famously said that there are only two certainties in life: death and taxes. With all due respect to Mr. Franklin, I think this statement is false. The only certainties in life are death, taxes, and life transitions.
Life transitions happen to everyone. There is simply no way to avoid them. Even Jeff Bezos, the CEO of a little company called Amazon, experiences life transitions. (In fact, he has gone through one recently.)
There are positive life transitions and negative life transitions. Because the nature of a life transition is to alter the course of your life, many people need to seek help in coping with this change.
Here are some life transitions you may face in your life:
Young Adulthood
Most people overlook one of the most difficult transitions in life: going from being a teenager to being a young adult.
Teenagers rely on their parents for life’s necessities.
Young adults are expected to make it on their own.
When a teenager makes a mistake, he gets a slap on the wrist like being grounded or getting his phone taken away.
When a young adult makes a mistake, he could face serious consequences such as losing a job, getting rejected, or even going to jail.
When we really look at it, the transition to young adulthood can be quite a difficult one. Almost overnight you transition from relying on your parents to relying solely on yourself. Oftentimes with little guidance on how to do this.
Young adults with a strong support system can often make this transition without seeking professional help. If a young adult has no support system and is expected to navigate this transition alone, he may find he needs to reach out for help.
Getting Married
We’re all familiar with the transition into married life, whether we’re married ourselves or not. We all experienced:
The friend who was the life of the party, but as soon as he gets married he’s not allowed to leave the house after 8:00 pm.
The friend who had what appeared as the perfect relationship, but after she got married all she does is bad mouth her spouse.
The friend who, after he got married, cannot go anywhere without his wife.
Marriage is one of the most common life transitions and can also be the most difficult. If the two have not lived together before, there is the added transition of learning to share a common space. You love the person, but have you dealt with his collection of collegiate t-shirts that he leaves all. Over. The. House?
Even if you have lived together before, marriage still changes your life. You want a new car? You can’t just buy that new Mercedes Benz; you have to get approval from your spouse.
All your girlfriends going to Napa Valley for a wine trip? Before you get on that cheap website to book your flight you’d better run it by your spouse.
This is not to say that everything about the transition into married life is negative. There are so many positive aspects that one could devote an entire blog to them. It is the harder, negative emotions that could drive a person to seek help from a professional.
Having a Baby
There is no doubt that having a baby changes your life. In the same way an unmarried person understands the difficulties of married life, someone without children understands that after you have a child nothing will be the same.
The simple fact of the matter is that after you have a baby another person relies on you for her life. She cannot feed herself. She cannot change herself. Heck, she cannot even burp herself.
Like marriage, there are many positives to having a child. But it is a major change in your life. Many people view their lives as pre-children and after-children. It is that much of a transition.
Without including postpartum depression (which could also be a blog on its own), many people have a difficult time transitioning into being a parent. Even though you have around nine months to prepare (unless it is one of those “I didn’t know I was pregnant” situations) you really can’t grasp what a change it will be.
There is also the additional stigma against speaking out about your difficulties being a parent. You are supposed to want to be a parent. Women have a biological urge to procreate. Men want to reproduce their genes. It’s just natural.
This is a large reason why those suffering from the life transition into being a parent suffer in silence. Instead, what they should do is contact a professional who will help them without judgment and in complete confidentiality. You have no excuse not to reach out.
Losing a Job or Changing Careers
Let’s face it: In society today we are defined by our jobs. Think about it. What is the first thing you ask someone when you meet them for the first time? “What do you do?”
One of the most difficult transitions in life is unexpectedly losing a job. Maybe your company was bought out by a larger company and your position is now redundant. You went into work thinking about how you had to ask for time off for vacation and you left knowing you need to refresh your resume.
Even if the cause of your termination had nothing to do with you (with the rise in electronic devices there simply wasn’t enough business at Barnes & Noble) it is human nature to blame ourselves. This internal blame can easily turn into depression. If that depression won’t go away you need to see professional help.
It is an easier transition if you are changing careers of your own choice, but it is still a transition.
If you have been in your previous career for a while, you became comfortable there. You knew, in general, what to expect from day to day. Now you are in a completely unfamiliar environment and don’t know what to expect.
No matter how much thought and planning you did before you changed careers, there is always the chance that you could fail. In that case, you have the added guilt of leaving a job only to end up empty-handed.
Of course, you could always succeed in your new endeavor. There will still be a transition. You may be dealing with a new client base. You will certainly have new co-workers, or perhaps you will be working alone for the first time.
Regardless of whether you lost a job or intentionally change careers, whether you are successful at your new pursuit or not, a job change is one of the hardest life transitions. Our definition of ourselves has changed and we may need help accepting this.
Transitions are Inevitable
Just like death and taxes, everyone will face transitions in their lives. Some may be good transitions. Some may be difficult transitions. If you struggle with accepting and embracing life transitions reach out to a mental health professional. They can help you navigate this new journey.
